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How Do You Learn Leadership through the Gamebook?
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Synopsis
You are Nicolai – the 2nd last remaining Royal Knight of the King. The sole surviving member of the royal family – Howard Farraday, the young prince – happens to be in our custody in this time of distress. In the faraway land where the mages reside, the Necromancer Adrikar Nightshade has risen.
In THE LAST STAND OF THE FALCON EMPIRE, you must break your oath and give up your city to bring the prince and message to Whitewald, the last city, and work together to confront the Necromancer’s masses of undead, from skeletons to zombies to vampires. The survival of the humani race depends on you. Will you overcome all obstacles and hold down the last fortress of the Empire? Or will you die trying and witness the fall of the Empire?
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7 Habits of the Highly Effective People
Paradigms & Principles
Personality & Character Ethic
Character & motives, perception of others have powerful influence. Social comparison motives, which are out of harmony with deeper values, lead to conditional love, eventually lessened sense of self-worth. Stand apart, instead of trying to change others; sense their identity, individuality, separateness & worth. Stop trying to clone others in your image, measure them against social expectations. Allow them to develop their engaging & guileless personality.
“Search your own heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life.”
Primary and Secondary Greatness
Law of Harvest: you reap what you sow.
Without deep integrity & fundamental character strength, challenges in life surface true motives & human relationship failure replace short-term success. People with social recognition for their talents (secondary greatness) lack goodness in character (primary greatness). Every long-term relationship will go through identity crisis. Character communicates most eloquently.
“What you are shouts so loudly in my ears that I cannot hear what you say.” Emerson
“Into the hands of every individual is given a marvellous power for good & evil – the silent unconscious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be.” William George Jordan
Paradigms
Character & personality ethic are social paradigms.
Paradigm DEFINED: model, theory, perception, assumption, frame of reference (how we perceive, understand & interpret the world)
Attitudes & behaviour grow out of assumptions. 2 people can see the same thing, disagree, yet both be right. NOT logical but psychological.
Self-awareness of our basic paradigms, assumptions, extent it has been influenced by our experience allow us to take responsibility to examine, test them against reality, listen to others & be open to their perceptions to get a larger picture & more objective view.
When faced with a life-threatening crisis, people see their priorities in a different light.
“For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.”
“It is impossible to break the law. We can only break ourselves against the law.”
While practices are situationally specific, principles are deep fundamental truths with universal application. Principles are truth with enduring, permanent value.
- Principle of Fairness: concept of equity, justice.
- Integrity & Honesty: create foundation of trust essential to cooperation & long-term personal & interpersonal growth.
- Human dignity: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."
- Excellence: Principle of Potential: we can grow & develop to release more potential & talents.
- Principle of Growth: process of releasing potential & developing talents.
- Other principles: Service, Patience, Nurturance, Encouragement
(Principles are absurd to question: Is unfairness, deceit, baseness, uselessness, mediocrity, or degeneration considered to be a solid foundation for lasting happiness and success?)
Principles of Growth & Change
Emotional strength is required to relate to other effectively. Listening involves patience, openness & desire to understand.
Borrowing strength builds weakness by reinforcing dependence on external factors. It inhibits the development of independent reasoning, growth & discipline of the person forced to comply. Fear replaces cooperation, both parties become more arbitrary & defensive. (Weakness in relationship)
Sense of possessing needs to come before sense of genuine sharing. Many who give mechanically, refuse to give & share may never experience what it means to possess themselves, their own sense of identity & self-worth.
“The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them” Albert Einstein.
Breaking deeply imbedded habits (procrastination, impatience, criticalness & selfishness) requires a tremendous effort, but once broken out, the freedom takes on a whole new dimension.
The Maturity Continuum[1]
Dependent, directed, nurtured, sustained by others à more independent -- physically, mentally, emotionally, & financially à eventually inner-directed & self-reliant
True independence empowers us rather than to be acted upon. Interdependence should not be confused with dependence. One needs to be independent before being interdependent.
Effectiveness: P / PC Balance[2]
P: Production
PC : Production Capability
PC Work : Treating employees as volunteers: their volunteer their best, hearts & minds
Excessive focus on Production: Ruined health, worn-out machines, depleted bank accounts & broken relationships.
Excessive focus on Production Capability: E.g. A person who runs 3-4 times a day, bragging about extra 10 years of life it creates, unaware he’s spending them running. OR A person endlessly going to school, living on other people’s money.
Press to get your own way: emptiness in relationship
Take time to invest relationship: desire & ability to work together, communicate & take quantum leaps.
“No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal” Marilyn Ferguson
“As you care less about what others think of you; you will care more about what others think of themselves & their worlds, including their relationships with you.” Stephen Covey
“That we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only which gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price on its goods.” Thomas Paine
Private Victory
Habit 1: Be Proactive
“I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavour.” Henry David Thorea
Self-awareness: ability to think about your very thought process
Unaware, we will project our intentions on others’ behaviour and call ourselves objective.
3 Theories of Determinism (Self-fulfilling prophecies)
- Genetic Determinism
- Psychic determinism – your upbringing, childhood & experience laid out your personal tendencies & chemical structure. You feel guilty if you make a mistake: You “remember” the emotional scripting [3] when you were vulnerable, young & dependent. You “remember” the emotional punishment, rejection, comparison with someone else when you perform less than expected.
- Environmental determinism
Stimulus & Response
Through a series of mental, emotional & moral, principally using memory & imagination – Viktor Frankl, a Jew psychiatrist, exercised his small, embryonic freedom until it grew larger, larger than his Nazi captors. They had more liberty, more options in environment; he had more freedom, more internal power to exercise his options. He inspired the guards, helped them find meaning in their suffering & dignity.
Imagination: Ability to create in our minds beyond present reality.
Conscience: Deep inner awareness of right & wrong, of principles governing behaviour, sense of degree thoughts & actions are in harmony with the principles.
Independent Will: Ability to act based on self-awareness
Proactivity
Initiative:
- Not pushy, obnoxious, aggressive
- Recognising responsibility
Language
Reactive Language: There's nothing I can do. That's just the way I am. He makes me so mad. They won't allow that. I have to do that. I can't. I must. If only. If I have…
Proactive Language: Let's look at our alternatives. I can choose a different approach. I control my own feelings. I can create an effective presentation. I will choose an appropriate response. I choose. I prefer. I will. If I be…
Circle of Concern & Circle of Influence
“Lord, give me the courage to change the things which can and ought to be changed, the serenity to accept the things which cannot be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Circle of Concern: We cannot recall, undo or control the consequences of past mistakes.
Proactive: Acknowledge the mistake instantly, correct and learn. DON’T cover up to empower the 1st mistake to cause deeper self-injury.
“The fountain of content must spring up in the mind, and he who hath so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition, will waste his life in fruitless efforts and multiply the grief he proposes to remove.” Samuel Johnson
Making Commitments
Keeping commitments are essence for growth. Through self-awareness & conscience, we realise our weakness that need to be changed/eliminated, talents that could be developed. Using imagination & independent will – making promises, setting goals – & being true to them – we build character strength.
Applicaton Suggestions
- For a full day, listen to others & your language. How often do you use & hear reactive phrases? (If only, I can’t, I have to)
- Identify future possible encounter you would behave reactively. Review using Circle of Influence. Visualise a proactive response. Write your desired result & steps. Commit to exercise your freedom of choice.
- Select a frustrating problem. Determine whether it is direct, indirect or no control problem. Find solution within your Circle of Influence.
- Try to be proactive for 30 days. Observe changes in your Circle of Influence.
Habit 2: Begin with the End in mind
“What lies behind us and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us”
Oliver Wendell Holme
Funeral Visualisation
In your mind's eye, see yourself going to the funeral parlour or chapel, parking the car, and getting out. As you walk inside the building, you notice the flowers, the soft organ music. You see the faces of friends and family you pass along the way. You feel the shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having known, that radiates from the hearts of the people there. As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, you suddenly come face to face with yourself. This is your funeral, 3 years from today. All these people have come to honour you, to express feelings of love and appreciation for your life. As you take a seat and wait for the services to begin, you look at the program in your hand. There are 4 speakers – from your family, immediate & extended; friends; colleagues; someone from a community organisation you’ve been involved. What would you like each of these speakers to say about you and your life? What kind of friend? What kind of working associate? What character would you like them to have seen in you? What contributions, what achievements would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What difference would you like to have made in their lives?
Above is cited directly from 7 Habits of the Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
“When I look upon the tombs of the great, every emotion of envy dies in me; when I read the epitaphs of the beautiful, every inordinate desire goes out; when I meet with the grief of parents upon a tombstone, my heart melts with compassion; when I see the tomb of the parents themselves, I consider the vanity of grieving for those whom we must quickly follow: when I see kings lying by those who deposed them, I consider rival wits placed side by side, or the holy men that divided the world with their contests and disputes, I reflect with sorrow and astonishment on the little competitions, factions, and debates of mankind. When I read the several dates of the tombs, of some that died yesterday, and some six hundred years ago, I consider that great Day when we shall all of us be Contemporaries, and make our appearance together.” Joseph Addison
Leadership & Management
Understand your destination clearly. Don’t fall into an activity trap, achieving empty victories & successes at the expense of far more valuable things. Busy ≠ Effective. Effectiveness depends not solely on how much effort we spent, but on whether the effort was spent right.
Measure Twice, Cut Once
“(Our scripts) rise out of our deep vulnerabilities, dependency on others, need for love & acceptance, for belonging, for a sense of importance & worth, for a feeling we matter.” Stephen Covey
Management is How, Leadership is What.
“Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things” Warren Bennis
Leadership Paradigm focus on direction, culture, opportunities & understanding problems. Win the war, not the battle. Select your battles. Not all battles must be won. Have both sides before judging. Listen twice as much as you speak.
Mission Statements
Personal Mission Statement
Your personal mission statement should
become your constitution, expressing your values and vision. It is the
criterion used to measure things in your life. Review regularly, make minor
changes with your additional insights in changing circumstances to ensure
you’re spending equal time in various aspects of your life. Your mission
statement need to balance your life, preventing the loss in sense of
proportion/balance & natural ecology for effective living. Break it down
into specific roles in your life. Don’t neglect precious relationships & personal
health because of work.
Use your imagination, creativity,
conscience & inspiration to reflect your deepest values, unique talent and
sense of mission in your lifetime goals. An effective goal focuses on results,
not activity, and identifies the where, how and when. Effective goals gives you
meaning & purpose to be proactive.
Choose a few areas in life and 2-3
important results to achieve for your starting personal mission statement to
give you a sense of direction.
"Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible." Frankl
Oraganisation Mission Statement
No involvement, no commitment, no motivation. Creating an organisational mission statement takes time, patience, everyone’s involvement, skill and empathy. A true organisational mission creates unity and commitment. It creates a set of criteria for people to govern themselves; no one needs to direct or criticise them. Systems, structure and management style should be aligned to the shared vision and values.
Visualisation & Affirmation
An affirmation should be personal,
positive, present, visual and emotional.
E.g. "It is deeply satisfying
(emotional) that I (personal) respond (present tense) with wisdom, love,
firmness, and self-control (positive) when my children misbehave.”
Next, relax, think, visualise vividly your
desired outcome of a future situation in harmony with your values &
personal mission statement. Imagine the various options. Create an internal
“comfort zone” by repeating your visualisation till you’re familiar.
Application Suggestions:
1.
Record impressions you had in
the funeral visualisation.
2.
Write your roles in life.
3.
Analyse your centre.
Do they form a pattern for the behaviour in your life?
4.
Write a personal mission statement. Collect notes, quotes & ideas for
resources.
5.
Write a group mission statement.
Identify the Centre
Security represents your sense of worth,
your identity, emotional anchorage, self-esteem & personal strength.
Guidance = your source of direction in life. Wisdom = your perspective on life,
sense of balance, understanding of principles. Wisdom embraces judgement,
discernment, and comprehension. Power = capacity to act, strength & potency
to accomplish a task. Power = capacity to break deeply embedded habits to
cultivate higher & more effective ones)
Security + Clear Guidance = True Wisdom
Wisdom = Power
Security + Clear Guidance + True Wisdom +
Power = Balanced Character
*Spouse, family and money centred is not included.
All the above borrows strength from another weakness. There’s no consistent sense of direction, no persistent wisdom, no steady power supply or sense of personal, intrinsic worth & identity.
Habit 3: Put First Thing First
“Things which matter most must never be at
the mercy of things which matter least” Goethe
Manage from the left; lead from the right
Management: breaking down, analysis,
sequencing, application, effective self-government. Requires discipline.
Integrity: ability to make & keep commitments.
Essence of proactive growth.
Successful people prioritise things
failures don’t like doing, despite disliking it themselves. Hard work, good
luck or astute human relations weren’t as the greatest factor.
Time Management
Evaluation:
Figure 1: Time Management Matrix
Quadrant III (Urgent but unimportant):
visible, insist on action. Often popular with others, pleasant, easy, fun
Quadrant II (Important but not urgent):
Require more initiative to seize opportunities. Yet, easily diverted out to
respond to urgent matters.
On Pareto Principle: 80% of results come from 20% of activities
Reasons why many fail to prioritise:
1.
Lack of discipline (Most
common)
2.
Inability to desire &
organise the priorities
3.
Inability to prioritise
Figure 2: Quadrant II organiser
Steps to Quadrant II Organising
1.
Identify roles
2.
Selecting goals (based on
roles)
3.
Scheduling (based on goals)
4.
Adapting (change your schedule within
the week)
Frustration comes from our expectations,
which reflect the social mirror rather than our own values and priorities.
However, if you’re principle-centred, you would have inner peace.
Benefits of 4th Generation Time Management
1.
Principle-centred – see what’s
truly important & effective
2.
Conscience-directed – freedom
to organise schedule through values
3.
Defines unique mission
4.
Balanced life
Application Suggestion
1.
Identify a neglected Quadrant II activity that could have a significant impact
in your life. Commit to it.
2.
Draw a Time Management Matrix. Estimate the percentage of time you spend in each quadrant. Record how you spend
your time the next 3 days. What do you need to change?
3.
List responsibilities you can delegate
& people you could train to
delegate them to. Determine what is needed for delegation & training.
4.
Write your roles & goals for
the week, transfer to a specific action plan. At the end of the week, evaluate how well you translated your deep values & purposes into your daily life & degree of integrity you maintained towards your values & purposes.
Delegation
Gofer Delegation
Gofer delegation is one-on-one supervision. Many consistently delegate this way. However, little is achieved as you can only supervise or manage a few people since you have to see through every decision.
Stewardship Delegation
Stewardship delegation provides the choice of method. More time is needed at the start, but time is well invested.
Stewardship delegation involves clear, upfront mutual understanding & commitment:
Trust is the highest form of human
motivation.[8] Trust takes time & patience, sometimes you have
to train them for their competence to match the trust. Empower others, train
& develop them to save time in the future. The steward take charge, judges
himself based on his commitment to the results agreed upon. Help him when he
asks.
Paradigms of Interdependence
“There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity” Samuel Johnson
If you don't know yourself, if you don't control yourself, if you don't have mastery over yourself, it's very hard to like yourself.[9] You have to like yourself before you can like others. Self-mastery & self-discipline are foundation. For effective interdependence to sustain, words & actions have to come from our own inner core (character ethic); not superficial human-relations techniques (personality ethic).
Begin building relationships inside ourselves, inside our Circle of Influence and character.
Independence
•Proactive
•Centred in correct principles
•Value driven
Interdependence
•Builds rich, enduring, highly productive relationships.
•Increases productivity, for serving, contributing, learning
& growing.
•Feel the greatest pain, frustration, greatest roadblocks to
happiness & success
The chronic pain from our lack of vision, leadership or management in our personal lives makes us uncomfortable and we occasionally try to ease the pain for a short while. But the pain is chronic, we get used to it, we learn to live with it.
The quick fixes & techniques of personality ethic treats the acute pain from human-to-human interactions, not realising the pain comes from deeper, chronic problem. Our efforts bring counterproductive results and obscure the pain even more.
However, open communication & positive interaction with others create wonderful synergy.
Emotional Bank Account
An Emotional Bank Account measures the amount of trust and security built up in a relationship.
Figure 3: Summary on Deposits & Withdrawal
“With continuing expectations, old deposits evaporate.” Stephen Covey
As you interact regularly, automatic withdrawals are made in daily interactions in their perception of you which you have no idea, so more constant investment is needed.
Building & repairing a relationship takes time. Impatience from apparent lack of response of the other person’s seeming ingratitude results in major withdrawal, undoing your good intentions.
6 Major Deposits
1. Understanding
We project our intentions on the behaviour of others, interpreting what is a deposit based on what we want. We then tend to give up when our effort is interpreted as a deposit. Instead, touch his/her deep interest & needs. Make what is important to them, important to you.
“Treat them all the same by treating them differently”
2. Little Kindness
Small discourtesies, little unkindness, little forms of disrespect make large withdrawals. Inside, even within the most toughened & calloused exteriors are the tender feelings & emotions of the heart.
3. Keeping Commitments
People build their hopes around promises. Keeping a commitment is a major deposit; breaking one is a major withdrawal. When you fail to keep your promise, explain thoroughly to the person & request to be “released” from the promise.
4. Clarifying Expectations
Conflicting or ambiguous expectations lead to misunderstanding, disappointment & withdrawals of trust. Set mutually agreeable expectations; don’t assume others know your expectations even if they are obvious. If you accidentally violated their basic expectations, you lose your trust.
5. Showing Personal Integrity
Defend the absent to retain the trust of the ones present. Don’t discuss others’ weaknesses or share privilege information unnecessarily as it creates duplicity. Be open, honest & kind; don’t belittle, betray confidences or gossip.
6. Apologise for your mistakes
Apologise sincerely. Don’t justify or rationalise for it makes the apology superficial. Apologising requires internal security & character strength as it makes you vulnerable. But people will forgive your mistakes – mistakes of the mind & judgement; people won’t easily forgive mistakes of the heart – ill intentions, bad motives, prideful justifying cover-up of the previous mistake.
Love
Loving others unconditionally help them feel secure, safe, validated & affirmed in their essential worth, identity & integrity. It then becomes easier for them to cooperate, contribute, discipline themselves, show integrity and give their best.
Loving others conditionally cause others to react to our conditions & limitations, to defend their “rights”, fight for their identity & integrity. It increase their resolve & efforts to rationalise against you.
“It is nobler to give yourself completely to one individual than to labour diligently for the salvation of the masses” Dag Hammarskjold
More humility, courage & strength is needed to rebuild a relationship. Interactions can change from transactional to transformational, where strong bonds of love & trust are created.
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
“We have committed the Golden Rule to memory; let us now commit it to life.” Edwin Markham
6 Paradigms of Human Interactions
1. Win-Win
Constantly seeks mutual benefit in all interactions. Agreements/solutions are mutually beneficial & satisfying. Everyone cooperates and is committed. Based on Abundance Mentality: there’s plenty for everyone. Not achieved at expense or exclusion of others.
2. Win-Lose
Authoritarian approach. Win-lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions or personality to get their way. Short-term win; long-term lose as relationship is affected.
Most of us are programmed into the Win-Lose mentality is because when we were young, highly vulnerable, highly dependent upon support & emotional affirmation of parents, patience, understanding or love are often earned. Comparisons are made. In the academic world, no recognition is given to intrinsic value; everyone is judged extrinsically. Grades that are graded in relation to others carry social value. Competition is encouraged; cooperation is discouraged, often associated with cheating.
3. Lose-Win
No demands, expectations and vision, Lose-Win people are quick to please or appease others, seeking strength from popularity or acceptance. Having little courage to express their own feelings and ideas, they are easily intimidated by others’ ego.
Suppressing their emotions could result in overreaction to minor provocation and cynicism.
“I’m a peacemaker. I’ll do anything to keep peace”
Often, executives swing back & forth from Win-Lose to Lose-Win.
i.
They can't stand confusion
& lack of structure, direction, expectation & discipline: Win-Lose
ii. Guilt undermines their resolve:
Lose-Win
iii. Anger & frustration drive
Win-Lose
4. Lose-Lose
Philosophy of war. When 2 Win-Lose people interact, both lose as they are unwilling to compromise.
“If I cannot win, nobody wins.”
5. Win
“Win” people negotiate, securing for themselves, leaving others to secure their own.
6. No Deal
No expectations created, no performance contracts are established as our values or goals go in opposite direction. There is no need to manipulate to push one own’s agenda.
Best Option:
1.
Win-Win
2.
No Deal
3.
Compromise
Win – Win
Win-Win involves mutual learning, mutual influence and mutual benefits.
Character
Relationships
When dealing with people from Win-Lose, show genuine courtesy, respect & appreciation for their point of view. Communicate, listen in greater depth. Express yourself with greater courage.
How
Separate the person from the problem to focus on interests, not positions, to create options for mutual gain & insisting on an objective criteria.
1.
Seek others point of view.
2.
Identify key issues &
concerns
3.
Determine a solution that is
acceptable to everyone
4.
Identify possible new options.
Application Suggestions
1.
Plan an upcoming interaction
which you need to reach an agreement or negotiate a solution. Maintain balance
between courage and consideration.
2.
List obstacles keeping you from applying win-win paradigm more
frequently. Determine actions you
can take within you Circle of Influence to eliminate
some obstacles.
3.
Select a relationship through
which you’d like to develop Win-Win agreement. List explicitly how you think
he/she sees the solution & your perspective & what constitutes win for
you. Communicate until you reach a mutually beneficial solution.
4.
Identify 3 key relationships in
your life. How much balance do you
feel there is in each Emotional Bank
Accounts? How do you make deposits
in each account?
5.
Deeply consider your own
scripting. Is it win-lose? How does it your scripting affect your interactions with others? Identify main source of your script.
Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then to be understood
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.” Pascal
Others learn to instinctively trust/distrust you & your efforts based on what your character communicates. If you use “communication” techniques (personality ethic), the person sense duplicity, manipulation and question your motives. He/she don’t feel safe to expose their opinions, experiences and tender feelings to you. Then, if you don’t understand his/her unique situations & feelings, your advice doesn’t quite pertain to him/her. The person then becomes angry & defensive – and possibly also guilty & afraid.
Empathic Listening
We filter everything through our own perspectives, reading our autobiography into other people’s lives. “Reflective” listening – mimicking what another person says – often insults them. You listen with the intent to reply and manipulate, even if the response isn’t your perspective/autobiography.
5 Levels of Listening
1.
Ignoring
2.
Pretending
3.
Selective Listening
4.
Attentive Listening
5.
Empathic Listening – seek first
to understand
Sympathy is an agreement and judgement. People feed on sympathy & become dependent. Empathic (Empathy) Listening means to fully & deeply understand the person emotionally & intellectually; you may not need to agree with them.
According to communication experts, 10% of communication comes from words, 30% from sounds, 60% from body language. Empathic listening listen for feeling, meaning & behaviour. You listen with your ears, eyes & heart. You use your left & right brain. You sense, intuit & feel. You do not assume thought, feelings, motives or interpret using your perspective.
Satisfied needs don’t motivate; only unsatisfied needs motivates. We want to be understood, affirmed, validated appreciated. Verbalise the other person’s needs & concerns. The human dynamic is more important than the technical dimensions.
Empathic listening makes you vulnerable: to have influence, you have to be influenced. Therefore, without internal security, you cannot listen empathically.
The amateur salesman sells products; the
professional sells solutions to needs and problems. The professional relate
people’s needs to his products & services.
You cannot understand a person if you judge
them first.
Autobiographic Responses
1.
Evaluate – agree or disagree
2.
Probe
3.
Advise
4.
Interpret – you explain others
motives through your perspective.
Probing invades and controls. Probing is a language of logic, not a language of sentiment & emotion.
3 Levels of Empathic Listening
1.
Mimic content
2.
Rephrase content – “in your own
words” (Reasoning, left brain)
3.
Rephrase content & reflect
the other person’s feeling (Right brain)
Seeking first to understand turns a transactional opportunity into a transformational one: Instead of interacting on the surface, you build a relationship & empower the other person to open up to seek your advice.
BE
CAREFUL! When someone opens up for your advice,
remain sensitive,
Logical response
– ask questions & give advice.
Emotional
response – go back to empathic listening
When people unravel their own problems,
i.
The solutions could become
clear to them in the process or they;
ii.
require additional perspective
& help
Genuinely seek the welfare of the individual, listen with empathy, and let him/her get the problem & solution at his/her pace & time. Be patient.
Empathic listening allows an accurate understanding and saves more time in the future despite taking more time initially. You then do not need to correct misunderstandings, redo, live with unexpressed & unsolved problems.
Understanding & Perceptions
Don’t assume what you know as facts & question others who cannot understand.
Seeking to understand requires consideration; seeking to be understood takes courage
The wisdom of the Greeks should be kept in
the same order:
1.
Ethos: personal credibility,
others’ faith in your integrity & competence
2.
Pathos: empathy
3.
Logos: logic
“People do not care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” John Maxwell
When making presentations, understand the other party’s objectives, concerns and give your recommendation. Presenting your ideas clearly, specifically, visually, contextually increases your credibility.
The more deeply you understand others, the more you appreciate them, the more respect you will have for them. Sense their hearts, their hurt even if they don’t open up. Show understanding & respect. Be patient, sharp, sensitive and aware.
Application Suggestions
1.
Select a strained relationship. Understand & write the situation form
the other person’s point of view. In
your next interaction, listen for understanding, compare what you wrote
& heard. How valid were your assumptions? Did you really understand his/her
perspective?
2.
Watch people communicate, cover your ears
& watch. What emotions are
communicated?
3.
Catch yourself inappropriately
using autobiographical responses –
probing, evaluating, advising or interpreting. Acknowledge & apologise
(I’m sorry I just realised I’m not really trying to understand. Could we start
again?)
Habit 6: Synergise
“I take as my guide the hope of a saint, in crucial things, unity, in important things, diversity, in all things, generosity.” Inaugural Address of President George Bush
Synergy is catalytic, empowering, unifying, exciting & creative. You leave your comfort zone to discover an entirely new & unknown place facing new challenges while opening new possibilities. You value differences, respect differences & build on strengths to compensate for weaknesses. You learn & grow together.
“If a person of your intelligence, competence and commitment disagrees with me, there must be something to your disagreement that I don’t understand and I need to understand. You have a perspective I need to look at”
Synergy & Communication
3 levels of communication
1.
Defensiveness, protectiveness,
often legalistic language. Creates Win-Lose or Lose-Lose situations.
2.
Respectful & polite communication.
Avoids ugly confrontations & understand each other intellectually.
Assumptions could be made by individuals.
3.
Synergy. Creates trust & a
culture. Sincere in getting Win-Win situations.
Sameness is not oneness. Unity (oneness) value
differences & combines everyone’s strength, each covering one another’s
weaknesses.
Sameness, however, does not.
Interpersonal synergy comes from within
ourselves: We need to be open & vulnerable.
Valuing the Difference
People see the world, not as it is, but as they are.
Having humility & respect to recognise your own perceptual limitations & appreciate rich resources from interaction with hearts & minds of other people add to your knowledge & understanding. You not only increase our own awareness, but you also affirm the other person.
Synergy is team building. There is no need to take insults personally. Instead, avoid negative energy, look for good in others & utilise it, even if it is different. Be open to express your ideas, feelings & experiences to encourage others to do so as well. Affirm them even if they disagree with you; you don't have to agree with them. Agree to disagree.
Driving Forces
Driving forces are positive, reasonable, logical, conscious & economic; restraining forces are negative, emotional, illogical, unconscious & psychological or social.
“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Newton’s 3rd Law
You may want to create a more positive, respectful, open & trusting culture by increasing the driving forces; but restraining forces oppose. Instead, work directly on restraining forces, unfreeze & loosen them, create new understanding that transform restraining forces into driving ones.
If people feel involved in the problem, it becomes their problem & they find a solution. Shared goals are created & things move upwards. Enthusiasm among the people creates a new culture.
Application Suggestions
1.
Consider Third Alternative
solutions to resolve differences with someone who typically sees things
differently from you. Seek his/her views on a problem, value his/her differed
views.
2.
List people who irritate you. Do they represent different views possibly leading to
synergy I you had greater intrinsic
security & valued their
differences?
3.
Identify a situation you want
greater teamwork & synergy. List conditions
necessary. How do you create these conditions?
4.
Understand the concerns underlying his/her position
when you have a disagreement or confrontation.
Habit 7: Sharpen the saw
“Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things.... I am tempted to think...there are no little things.” Bruce Barton
“Sharpen the saw” is a Quadrant II activity. It requires exercising the 4 dimensions regularly & consistently to balance our life. We have to be proactive in investing in our personal production capability.
Physical Dimension
Caring for our physical body:
1.
Eat healthy food
2.
Get sufficient rest &
relaxation
3.
Exercise regularly
Types of exercise:
1.
Endurance – increasing your cardiovascular
efficiency: running, biking, swimming, skiing, jogging etc.
2.
Flexibility – stretching
3.
Strength – muscle resistance
exercise: push-ups, sit-ups, weights
Start slowly to prevent unnecessary injury, pain or permanent damage.
Spiritual Dimension
The Spiritual dimension is your core, your centre, your commitment to your value system. Immersing yourself in literature or music or live with nature make you feel renewed and recommitted to serve.
Go to the place where you were happiest as a child. Give yourself some time alone without anyone or anything to disturb you. Spend a few hours to:
1.
Listen carefully – listen to
the sounds & silence, and you’ll feel a growing sense of peace. You’ll
learn about patience, respect & awareness of the interdependence of things
around you.
2.
Reminisce past memories – think
about your little moments of joy, and you’ll feel a growing warmth inside you.
3.
Examine your motives – think
about your past happiness, what you wanted. Perhaps it is not success,
recognition, security that you’ve justified throughout your life.
Understand your purpose, review & recommit to it frequently. Find peace in yourself before you work with others to promote their welfare, to be genuinely happy for their successes.
“The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul.” David O McKay
Mental Dimension
Education. Continue to expand your mind & hone your skills. Read broadly to expand your cultural awareness. Write your thoughts, experiences, insights & learnings. Communicate beyond the superficial level.
Practising the 3 dimensions build your physical, spiritual & mental strength to allow you to handle the difficult challenges in life.
“Someday, in the years to come, you will be wrestling with the great temptation, or trembling under the great sorrow of your life. But the real struggle is here, now. Now it is being decided whether, in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation, you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer. Character cannot be made except by a steady, long continued process.” Phillips Brooks
Social/Emotional Dimension
Social/Emotional dimension involves interpersonal leadership, empathic communication & creative communication. Intellectually advanced yet emotionally unsecure people cannot practise Habits 4, 5 & 6.
Intrinsic security comes from within, from the correct principles deep in your own mind & heart, from effective interdependent living and service of others.
Effective Interdependent Living: You know you can step out of your perspective without giving it up, you can deeply understand someone. You know that in life there are Win-Win solutions and you know you know how to interact authentically, creatively & cooperatively.
Service: you want to make a difference without getting recognition for your acts of kindness.
“Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth” N. Eldon Tanner
Scripting Others
Affirm other people’s proactive nature and treat them as responsible people. We can teach them how to be principle-centred, value-based, independent individuals. Allow them to realise that there is enough for everyone. Listen & empathise, encourage them to be proactive.
At first, the other person may deny you for his old “scripts” are overpowering. Stay persistent & you’ll one day penetrate his scripting and he’ll start to respond.
“Treat a man as he is and he will remain as
he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and
should be." Goethe
Conclusion
As you renew your physical dimension, you reinforce your personal vision, the paradigm of proactivity (Habit 1), self-awareness & free will.
As you renew your spiritual dimension, you reinforce your personal leadership (Habit 2). You live out your imagination & conscience & deeply understand your values, defining your own mission in life. You create a centre of principles.
As you renew your mental dimension, you reinforce your personal management (Habit 3). You learn to organise & execute your activities effectively. You recognise how to prioritise to maximise time & energy. As you learn, you increase your options.
When you have personal strength & intrinsic security, you focus on your Circle of Influence in interdependent situations using the Abundance Mentality & genuinely value their differences & be genuinely happy for their successes. You work towards a Win-Win solution.
“The voice of conscience is so delicate that it is easy to stifle it: but it is also so clear that it is impossible to mistake it." Mdm. De Sta’l
Conscience senses our correspondence or disparity with correct principles & lift us towards them. An increasingly educated conscience propel us to personal freedom, security, wisdom & power.
Inside-Out
Continuing process of renewal; upward spiral of growth leading to responsible independence & effective interdependence.
“Seemingly trivial things often have roots in deep emotional experiences. To deal only with the superficial trivia without seeing the deeper, tenderer issues is to trample on the sacred ground of another's heart.” Stephen Covey
Building a character with integrity and living the life of love & service that creates unity isn’t easy. It isn’t quick fix. But it’s possible. You begin with the wish to centre your life on the correct principles, to break out of paradigms of the other centres & comfort zone of poor habits.
“That which we persist in doing becomes easier -- not that the nature of the task has changed, but our ability to do has increased." Emerson
Learn Leadership Through Our Gamebook
17 iNDISPUTABLE lAWS OF tEAMWORK
Law 1: The Law of Significance
One is too small a number to achieve greatness
“Individuals play the game but teams win championships.” - Chinese Proverb
“You may be good … but you’re not that good.” – John C Maxwell
Explanation:
-
Teams involve more people
-
Teams maximize a leader’s potential
-
Teams provide multiple perspectives
-
Teams share credit for victories and blame for
losses
-
Teams keep leaders accountable for the goal
-
Teams can simply do more than an individual
Why stand alone?
-
Ego
Come to realize that other people can help you
do a better job than you could do alone
-
Insecurity
Some individuals fail to promote teamwork
because they feel threatened by other people
-
Naiveté
Some people naively underestimate the difficulty
of achieving big things
-
Temperament
Some people are not very outgoing and simply do
not think in terms of team building and team participation
Law 2: The Law of the Big Picture
The goal is more important than the role
“If you think you are the entire picture, you will never see the big picture”
“If a team is to reach its potential, each player must be willing to subordinate his personal goals to the good of the team.” - Bud Wilkinson (Oklahoma Football – 1950s)
“Everybody on a championship team doesn’t get publicity, but everyone can say he’s a champion.” - Erving “Magic” Johnson
What’s in it for me?
- People tend to lose sight of the big picture. In fact, some people seem to believe that they are the entire picture; everything revolves around their needs, their goals and their desires.
It’s all about the team
- Winning teams have players who put the good of the team ahead of themselves
Seeing the big picture
- Every person on a team has a role to play. Good leaders continually keep the vision of the big picture before themselves and their people
What’s up with the big picture teams?
-
Look up at the big picture
-
Size up the situation
-
Line up needed resources
-
Call up the right players
-
Step up to a higher level
Questions:
– Are you willing to give everything for the
common good of the team?
– What are the mutually team shared goals?
– What role do I play on this team? Can you accept
this role?
– Does my attitude fit into this role and the team
goal?
– Do I think of myself? Are the people that depend
on me being let down?
Law 3: The Law of the Niche
- All players have a place where they add the most value
“If each person is not doing what adds the most value of the team, you won’t achieve your potential as a team.”
“You are most valuable where you add the most value.” ‐John C. Maxwell
“Great leadership must know the team, the situation, and the players.” ‐John C. Maxwell
Great things happen when all the players on the team take the roles that maximize their strengths – their talent, skill and experience
When people are in the wrong place:
-
Wrong person in the wrong place = Regression
-
Wrong person in the right place = Frustration
-
Right person in the wrong place = Confusion
-
Right person in the right place = Progression
& Multiplication
Put people in their place
-
You must know the team
-
You must know the situation
-
You must know the players
For a player to find his niche, it is very important to trust the leader, see the big picture of the team and rely on your experience.
Law 4: The Law of Mount Everest
- As the challenge escalates, the need for teamwork elevates
“Ask not what your teammate can do for you but what you can do for your teammates.”
“Accept the challenges so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.” ‐General Patton
“Build the team today for the challenges of tomorrow.” ‐John C Maxwell
What’s your Everest?
-
What is my dream?
Nothing much happens without a dream
-
Who is on my team?
Your potential is only as good as your current
team
-
What should my dream team look like?
It’s better to have a great team with a weak
dream than a great dream with a weak teams
Focus on the team not the dream
-
Challenges determines the kind of team you need
to build
-
Build your team around your current situation
and train them up for the situation
How to grow a team
-
Develop team members
-
Add key team members
-
Change the leadership
-
Remove ineffective members
Law 5: The Law of the Chain
- The strength of the team is impacted by its weakest link
“10 x 10 x 10 x 10 x 10 = 100,000 10 x 10 x 10 x 10 x 5 = 50,000” what is the weak link?
“Our competitors are getting better. Across this country our competitors are getting better, the weaker links are having to drop out because they can't compete. The bar is being raised in this competitive arena so it's on our shoulders to do the right thing in this environment.”
“That's what the foundation of this program is going to be built on and the next few years that's what this team is going to be built on ‐‐ players we can trust, players that are going to be accountable and players who want to be the best ‐‐ not just OK, the best.” ‐Dave Wannstedt
Your team is not for everyone
-
Not everyone will take the journey
o
Some people don’t want to change, grow or
conquer new territory
-
Not everyone should take the journey
o
Some people have different plans or agendas and
where you’re going isn’t the right place for them
-
Not everyone can take the journey
o
They can’t keep pace
o
They don’t grow in their area of responsibility
o
They don’t see the big picture
o
They won’t work on personal weakness
o
They won’t work with the rest of the team
o
They can’t fulfil expectations for their area
The impact of a weak link
-
The stronger members identify the weak one
-
The stronger members have to help the weak one
-
The stronger members come to resent the weak one
-
The stronger members become less effective
-
The stronger members question the leader’s
ability
Law 6: The Law of the Catalyst
- Winning teams have players who make things happen
“Most teams don’t naturally get better on their own. Left alone, they don’t grow, improve, or reach championship caliber. That’s why a team that reaches its potential always possesses a catalyst.”
“Teams work best when there is a balance in primary roles and when teammates know their roles.”
Three kind of players
-
People who don’t want the ball
-
People who want the ball but shouldn’t
-
People who want the ball and should
Characteristics
-
Intuitive
-
Communicative
-
Passionate
-
Talented
-
Creative
-
Initiating
-
Responsible
-
Generous
-
Influential
Law 7: The Law of the Bad Apple
- Rotten attitudes ruin a team
“Good attitudes among players do not guarantee a team’s success, but bad attitudes guarantee its failure.”
“It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult undertaking which, more than anything else, will determine its successful outcome.” ‐William Jones
Roger Banister Story
o
In the early 20th century sports experts believed
nobody could run less than a 4 min. mile
o
In 1954 Roger Banister ran a 3min 59.4sec mile.
o
Then more began to break the
barrier. First a few, then dozens, then hundreds.
o
Why – Attitudes Changed – They began to adopt the mind‐set and beliefs of
their peers.
An attitude compounds when exposed to others
- Several things on a team are not contagious. Talent. Experience. Willingness to practice. But you can be sure of one thing. Attitude is catching.
Bad attitudes compounds faster than good ones
Attitudes are subjective, so identifying a wrong one can be difficult
-
Someone with a bad attitude may not do anything
illegal or unethical but his attitude may be ruining the team just the same.
Some common rotten attitudes that ruin a team are:
o
An inability to admit wrongdoing
o
Failure to forgive
o
Petty jealousy
o
The disease of me
o
A critical spirit
o
A desire to hog all the credit
Rotten attitudes, left along, ruin everything
Law 8: The Law of the Compass
- Vision gives team members direction and confidences
“Great Vision precedes great achievement. A team without vision is purposeless.”
“Good leaders create a vision, articulate a vision, and passionately own the vision, and relentless drive it to completion.” ‐Jack Welch
“People only see what they are prepared to see.” ‐Ralph Waldo Emerson
Compasses:
-
A moral compass (look above)
Helps teammates to check their motives and make
sure they are laboring for the right reasons. Bring integrity to the vision
-
An intuitive compass (look within)
True fire of passion and conviction comes only
from within
-
A historical compass (look behind)
It should make use of anything contributed by
previous teams in the organizations
-
A directional compass (look ahead)
Vision provides direction for the team. Sense of
purpose and goals bring targets to the vision
-
A strategic compass (look around)
A goal won’t do a team much good without steps
to accomplish it
-
A visionary compass (Look beyond)
Getting people to reach their potential means
challenging them
Law 9: The Law of Countability
- Teammate must be able to count on each other when it counts
“A mouse does not rely on just one hole.”
“Character + Competence + Commitment + Consistency + Cohesion = Countability”
“I am a member of a team, and I rely on the team, I defer to it and sacrifice for it, because the team, not the individual, is the ultimate champion.”
Explanation:
- Countability is the ability and desire for teammate to work together toward common goals. Team members who can depend on each other only during the easy times have not developed countability. It’s being able to have faith in your teammates no matter what happens.
Formula:
-
Character
Countability begins with character because it is
based on trust; if you cannot trust someone, you will not count on him
-
Competence
-
Commitment
-
Consistency
-
Cohesion
The ability to hold together no matter how
difficult the circumstances become
Law 10: The Law of the Bench
- Great teams have great depth
“A great starter alone is simply not enough if a team wants to go to the highest level.”
“There is no such thing as a self‐made man. You will reach your goals only with the help of others.” – George Shinn
“The secret is to work less as individuals and more as a team. As a coach, I play not my eleven best, but my best eleven.” – Knute Rockne
The bench is indispensable
-
Reason to honour and develop the players who may
not be considered starters:
o
Today’s bench players may be tomorrow’s stars
o
The success of a supporting player can multiply
the success of a starter
o
There are more bench players than starters
o
A strong bench gives the leader more options
o
The bench is usually called upon at critical
times for the team
o
A bench player placed correctly will at times be
more valuable than starters
Today’s actions build tomorrow’s team
-
The future of your team can be predicted by 3
things:
o
Recruitment
o
Training
o
Losses
Phases of an organization and its revolving door
- A team will always have gains and losses. People are constantly coming into an organization while others leave it. The key to its future success is gaining a more effective person with each loss.
Law 11: The Law of the Price Tag
- The team fails to reach its potential when it fails to pay the price
“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.”
“One has to pay dearly for immortality: one has to die several times while one is still alive.” –Friedrich Nietzsche
“A man can be as great as he wants to be. If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.” –Vince Lombardi
Price points:
-
The price must be paid by everyone
-
The price must be paid all the time
Some people mistakenly believe that if they can
accomplish a particular goal, they no longer have to grow. This “destination
disease” makes us believe that we can stop working, stop striving, stop paying
the price – yet still reach our potential
-
The price increase if the team wants to improve,
change or keep winning
There are 2 kinds of teams who violate the law
of the price tag: those who don’t realize the price of success, and those who
know the price but are not willing to pay it
-
The price never decreases
The price of teamwork:
-
Sacrifice
-
Time commitment
-
Personal development
Unselfishness
Law 12: The Law of the Scoreboard
- The team can make adjustments when it knows where it stands
“We aren’t where we want to be; we aren’t where we ought to be; but thank goodness we aren’t where we used to be.” –Lou Holtz
“How do you make a difference and what difference does it make? This has to be highly personal. The only thing you can change is you.” –Martin Sheen
“Where there is no struggle, there is no progress.” –Frederick Douglas
What the scoreboard?
-
The scoreboard is essential to understanding
-
The scoreboard is essential to evaluation
o
The scoreboard gives you continual feedback.
o
Growth = Change. But when it comes to growth,
change alone is not enough
o
If you want to become better, you have to change
in the right direction. You can only do that if you are able to evaluate
yourself and your teammates.
-
The scoreboard is essential to decision making
-
The scoreboard is essential to adjusting
Questions:
– Where are we and where do we want to end up at?
– What needs to be done to get us to that end
point?
– If we fall behind, what can be done to catch up?
– What do you need to improve upon?
– Will the changes you make personally, carry over
and affect your team?
– What is it that is pushing you to make these
decisions?
– Are you content with doing the same thing you
did last season?
– Are you willing to struggle, to progress to
achieve your goals?
– In what areas of yourself and as a teammate do
you need to progress to make your situation better?
Law 13: The Law of Identity
- Shared values define the team
“A team cannot share values if the values have not been shared with the team.” – John Maxwell
“Values are not just words, values are what we live by. They’re about the causes that we champion and the people we fight for.” – Senator John Kerry
Defining the team:
- There are cases whereby a team have a common goal yet lack common values. Everyone on the team has different ideas about what’s important. The result is chaos. If everyone tries to do things his own way the team breaks down
The value of values; shared values are like:
-
Glue
o
Values hold people together
-
A foundation
o
Values provide a stable foundation which makes
performing well and growth possible
-
A ruler
o
Values help set the standard for the team’s
performance; values are often expressed in a mission statement
-
A compass
o
When individuals embrace strong values, they
possess a moral compass that helps them make decisions
-
A magnet
o
A team’s values attract people with like values
to the team
-
An identity
o
Values define the team and give it a unique
identity
Questions:
– What are your values? What are the team’s
values?
– Does everybody on the team share in those
values?
– Are values the same as goals? Are they written
in stone or can they change?
– What are your strengths? How can these help your
team?
– Do you know the strengths and weaknesses of your
teammates?
– How can all these strengths and weaknesses be
brought together for the good of the team?
– How do you keep your values and the team’s
values in order? Are they separate from each other or do they relate?
–Do the values you hold true translate over to
your teammates? Does what you do on a daily basis have an effect on them?
– How can our actions in the weight room affect
our values and how others look at us?
Law 14: The Law of Communication
- Interaction fuels action
“Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication.” – Emma Thompson
“Constantly talking isn’t necessarily communication.” – Charlie Kaufman
“It’s important to make sure that we’re talking with each other in a way that heals, not in a way that wounds." ‐ Barack Obama
Communication Culture:
-
An organization where cooperation and
communication are pervasive so that trust develops among all members
-
Creating positive change in an organization
requires communication
Communication on your team
-
From leaders to teammates
o
Good communication is never one-way; it should
not be top-down or dictatorial
o
The best leaders listen, invite and then
encourage participation
-
From teammates to leader
o
Good team leaders never want yes-men, they want
direct and honest communication from their people
o
Besides directness, team members also need to
display respect when communicating with their leaders
-
Among teammates
o
Be supportive
o
Stay current
o
Be vulnerable – develop relationships that go
deeper than our masks of composure
-
Between the team and the public
o
When approached by people from outside the
group, team members remember they need to be: Receptive, Responsive, Realistic, When it comes to communicating to people who are
not on the team, the most important quality a team can display a unity
Questions:
– How do you define communication? Does it change
in different situations?
– How does a team need to have communication to be
successful?
– Does your role on the team demand you to have
good communication skills?
– What are you communicating when you are talking?
– Is what you say always for the better good of
your team?
– How can we improve communications to help
achieve team goals?
– Do you think about the consequences of what you
are saying?
– Are you being consistent with your communication
or do you make it harder for teammates to understand?
– Even when critique a teammate, are you being
clear and courteous with what are you saying?
Law 15: The Law of the Edge
- The difference between two equally talented teams is leadership
“Leaders lift themselves to a higher level first; then they lift the others around them.” – John Maxwell
“Know your role!” – The Rock. **“Everyone is important but everyone isn’t equal.”
“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.” ‐ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Finding the edge
- Leadership is the edge that determines the success of the team. It is all about understanding players, bringing them together, and getting them to work as a team to reach their potential
Need a lift?
-
Leaders are lifters
-
With good leadership everything improves
-
Leaders push the thinking of their teammates
beyond old boundaries of creativity
-
They elevate other’s performance, making them
better than they’ve ever been before and they raise the expectations of everyone
on the team
-
Leaders transfer ownership for work to those who
execute the work
-
Leaders create an environment where each team
member wants to be responsible
-
Leaders coach the development of personal
capabilities
-
Leaders learn quickly and encourage others to
learn rapidly
Myths:
-
The myth of the head table
o
The notion that a particular team, one person is
in charge in every situation.
o
The challenge of the moment should instead often
determine the leader for that challenge because every person on the team has
strengths that come into play
-
The myth of the round table
o
Belief that everyone on the team is equal, all
opinions count the same, and a team can function without leadership
o
A team that tries to function like a democracy
never gets anything done
Giving the team a head start
-
Leadership is like a running head start for the
team
-
They can anticipate what’s going to happen and
they get the team moving in the right direction ahead of time.
-
The more leaders a team develops, the greater
the edge from leaderships
Questions:
– What are you doing to reach the next level?
– With what you have learned, how can you apply
that to the next person and help them?
– Can you take constructive criticism and use it
to reach a higher level?
– What is your role?
– If you are looked at as a leader, are you
capable of stepping up and taking that role?
– With whatever role you are in, what can you do
to earn respect from your peers?
– Who do you look to inspire you? Coach? Teammate?
– Do you know if you are this person?
– What can you use to help inspire your teammates?
Law 16: The Law of High Morale
- When your winning nothing hurts
“When you do well, you think it’s worth it. When you sacrifice so much and you finally do well, it feels really good.” ‐ Kerri Strug
“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.” – Lance Armstrong
“About morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.” ― Ernest Hemingway
High morale is great…
-
High morale is the great exaggerator
When an entire team is positive and all the
players feel good about themselves, everything seems good
-
High morale is the great elevator
When a team possess high morale, the performance
of its people goes to a whole new level
-
High moral is the great energizer
No mountain seems too high; no project seems too
difficult
-
High moral is the great eliminator
Because of the momentum and energy that come
with it, problems just seem to disappear – no matter how big they are
-
High moral is the great emancipator
High morale releases the team or frees it up to
reach its potential. The team then takes that breathing room to take risks and
try out new ideas , new moves or new concepts that it other
Four stages of morale
-
Poor morale – the leader must do everything
Investigate the situation, initiate belief,
create energy and communicate hope
-
Low morale – the leader must do productive
things
Model behavior that has a high return, Develop
relationships with people of potential, Set up small victories and talk people
through them and communicate vision.
-
Moderate morale – the leader must do difficult
things
Make changes that make the team better, receive
the buy-in of team members, Communicate commitment, Develop and equip members
for success.
-
High morale – the leader must do little things
Keep the team focused and on course, communicate
successes, Remove morale mashers and allow others to lead.
Questions:
– What are you willing to sacrifice, in the face
of success or failure that can help yourself or your team?
– Are you willing to fight through pain, physical
or mental, to accomplish your goal?
– What is “worth it” to make these sacrifices?
– Are you willing to give it your all to compete?
– Do you have the ability to help the person next
to you if you see that quitting might be an option?
– How do you want to be remembered? The person who
fought through adversity, or the person who quit when things got tough?
– What guides you in your decision making?
– Do you always leave the field/court/weight room
feeling good about what you did that day?
– If you feel like you made a decision that let
someone down, do you have the ability to come back and make up for that?
Law 17: The Law of Dividends
- Investing in the team compounds over time
“I can live for 2 months on one good compliment.” – Mark Twain
“SUCCESS is worthless if we don’t have people to share it with; indeed, our most desired human emotion is that of connection with other souls.”
“Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” – Mae West
How to invest in your team?
-
Make the decision to build a team… This starts
the investment in the team
-
Gather the best team possible… This elevates the
potential of the team
-
Pay the price to develop the team… This ensures
the growth of the team
-
Do things together as a team… This provides
community for the team
-
Empower the team members with responsibility and
authority… This raises up leaders for the team
-
Give credit for success to the team… This lifts
the morale of the team
-
Watch to see that the investment in the team is
paying off… This brings accountability to the team
-
Stop your investment in players who do not grow
-
Create new opportunities for the team… This
allows the team to stretch
-
Give the team the best possible chance to
succeed… This guarantees the team a high return
Questions:
– How do you feel when a teammate tells you that
you did something good?
– How often do you take time to talk to another
player about the positive actions they are taking?
– How can increasing positive communication impact
the team as a whole?
– Look around the room at your friends, do you
really want to let them down?
– How can you make a connection with new
teammates, or ones that maybe you aren’t as close with?
– How will these relationships help us during
preparation and in game situations?
– If communication and values are a good thing,
can we ever have too much of it?
– Is investing in this team going to give you the
kind of returns you want?
– If all you had to do to achieve success was work
harder than anyone else, put in more time than anyone else, and believe that
your teammates are doing the same thing, could you do it?
Learn Leadership Through Our Gamebook
21 iRREFUTABLE lAWS OF lEADERSHIP
Law 1: The Law of the Lid
Your dedication your leadership ability.
An effectiveness of a leader is greatly affected by the leadership ability one have.
If we were to use a graph, leadership ability being the y-axis and the dedication being the x-axis, increasing one's leadership ability solely without increasing the dedication, one can increase his leadership effectiveness by around 600-700%.
Law 2: The Law of Influence
The 5 influences of leaders, The 5 myths of leaders.
Leadership is earned, not through scheming ways, not because they are intelligent, rich, old or young.
There are 5 myths of leadership, which are commonly believed by followers that make of a leader.
1.
A person
who has the entrepreneurial mind may be farsighted, but motivating his/her
followers may be an uphill task.
2.
Leading and
Managing are completely 2 different things, but most people think they are the
same. Leadership is how you influence people and if one is able to influence followers.
Managers maintains where a team goes.
3.
Education
or IQ, Regardless high or low, does not determine a leader.
4.
A leader
determines his position, not the other way round, a leader can be effective
regardless of his rank and position.
5.
A leader
needs to be the first to act and set a good example before expecting his
followers to follow suit.
What makes a true leader
1.
Their
attitude and character towards work and their group.
2.
Their
relationships with his followers and other people from other groups/organization.
3.
Their
knowledge on the world and information concerning your road to victory.
4.
Their way
of expressing their emotions and motivate their team.
5.
Their
experiences with previous obstacles and resume.
6.
Their
leadership ability
Law 3: The Law of Process
How does a leader grow? The capacity to develop and improve one’s skills is based by one's routine.
At first, leaders tend to be lost as they are met with more responsibilities then before and may have difficulty to adapt.
Then, they will start leading and influencing their followers.
Soon after, they will start to realise their own disadvantages and will start developing their ability and clear their disadvantages.
When improvements start to appear, followers will start to have faith on their leader and the leader will start to get the hang of it.
At last, when everything is going well for the leader, it will become a subconscious course of actions.
Law 4: The Law of Navigation
The navigating skill/ PLANAHEAD skill
Predetermine a course of action.
Lay out your goals.
Adjust your priorities.
Notify key personnel.
Allow time for acceptance.
Head into action.
Expect problems.
Always point to the successes.
Daily review your plan.
Navigation is life skill and is based by factors that concerns or relates to you. Finding the road to success is determined by your experiences, the feedback received by others.
Law 5 & 6: The Law of Addiction/Inclusiveness & the Law of Solid Ground
Trust Is the Foundation of Leadership. Character building.
Serving your followers and make yourself valuable to each other.
Being able to understand and legitimately show care towards your followers will make them feel welcomed and enjoyable in the work environment.
They will start respecting you as a leader and start to give in their all.
A leader must make sure their followers are having a good time or else they will have a bad time and give you a bad time as well.
Leaders should value their followers and make themselves valuable to them as this will earn the leader a lot of faith and trust.
At the end of the day, the leader should be getting a lot of respect from his/her followers if he concern and care for them.
However, if you constantly lose your trust among your followers even though you heed to the above, you are a pathetic leader.
Trust is a base of a leader. If it is lost, everything you have worked for has evaporated.
Trust is determined by leaders' character, if he has good character, the trust base is wide and large. But if he has poor character, the trust base is rather weak and close to collapse.
With the strong trust base, a leader can easily earn respect, be consistent with their followers in work and will have true huge potential.
(We can use this when reader is planning and have to make a few decision ,preferably, A/B questions and determine if they have more A or Bs, or have equal number. Results will cause different consequences). (We can set up a dilemma for readers. E.g. you can choose to let go of sth to gain sth useful while losing some friendships/trust OR you can preserve your friendship but must sacrifice sth useful.)
Law 7: The Law of Respect
Respect -People Naturally Follow Leaders Stronger Than Themselves. Contributed by 6 factors:
Leadership ability a leader have inside
Respect towards other people especially his/her followers
Courage to persevere on despite of struggles regardless verbally, mentally and being able to own up and take responsibility first.
Success in leading will cause the whole team to believe that the leader is capable and can place their trust on them
Leaders sticking with the ship until the job is complete or be the last to leave the sinking ship
The leader appreciating their followers and be humble about it.
Law 8: The Law of Intuition
Leaders evaluate everything with a Leadership Bias. Simply, Proper analysis.
A Leader must have good read on situations.
Being able to analyse deeply into situations will allow the leader to clearly understand what is going on, what needs to be fixed and what needs to be maintained.
Not understanding how the series of events led to the situation may bite the leader in their back as this shows signs of ignorance and will not know how to apply the right solution on the issue even before the leader knows what is going on.
Leaders must be able to understand his people so that he can generate ideas and disseminate tasks to the right people to ensure a proper job well done.
This is the most important read to do, the ability to read yourself.
If you do not know your own weakness or strengths, you do not even know how to manage yourself.
You will not be able to fix yourself and will lead to the conclusion that you are perfect.
In the end, you are blinded by your own light and soon the light will start flickering and go out.
Law 9: The Law of Magnetism
If you want better people to join you, be that guy. Be in their shoes.
Understanding others is the upmost importance.
Their goals, beliefs, mottos, their character, background, experiences are all the things you need to know about them.
This would allow you to formulate ideas, plans, deals with them and when you present your proposal, they are sure to accept your ideas.
You must understand their situations there in, compile to their needs and compare with yours. Try to find a win-win solution and if you are confident in the long road, you are bound to earn more respect and more publicity from others.
Law 10: The Law of Connection
Connect and Care First, asking a hand Second.
Believe in yourself before starting on anything. Low self-esteem will not be beneficial and will instead do more harm than good if you want to lead a pack of people.
Having an open-mind when it comes to idea-generating will allow a leader to find a lot of relations between ideas and will come out with a creative end product.
After your product is produce, more people will get credit as the product is generated from many ideas suggested by many people, allowing you to have better connection with your people and the respect is earned.
Ability to understand your audiences need, their goals, their background information will allow you to have an upper hand as you will be able to help others while helping yourself and your reputation will soon skyrocket.
The need to do what you say and not be a hypocrite. If you do not do what you tell others, you are basically contradicting yourself which will cause a lot of tension among the group
A leader must really understand their followers and need to get along with them. A leader must communicate in their 'language', their style and culture. The need to respect how they are brought up and the need to exterminate all sorts of prejudice is needed or you will fall and crash.
BELIEVE AND HAVE FAITH in your group will have great impacts on you and the whole group.
Law 11: The Law of Inner Circle
Effectiveness of the leader is judged by the person or people closest to him.
Being able to surround yourself with better people and you will be able to extend your influence on them and in return, you will be able to grow and be a better leader.
First of all, you must know who you want to be with and how to get them into your circle of friends. You must choose the right people that suits your style, that will be an asset to your team that will help you attain success.
How of an important the person you are looking for is? What has he done before?
The importance of you finding the right guy with a great influence will help you to be a better person and you will influence your followers as well.
The person should be someone who constantly brings good to the table and will benefit both parties. This is vital as you would want to be perceived as a fair and not a selfish person.
The person should have influenced others in your circle of friends so that everyone including you in the circle of friends will be able to work together in harmony and will continue to work together so that all will attain success.
Law 12: The Law of Empowerment
Secure leaders know what to do and are usually good ones.
Secure leaders know what they are doing, secure leaders know what to do and how to do it and what is better in the long run.
They are very efficient and fast in their decision making. They know what is going on and will know what is doing harm to the group and what is doing good to the group and should be maintained and improved.
Secure leaders are a confident bunch of people not fearing of himself.
Secure leaders are not afraid to help his followers as if they succeed, followers will still look up to their leaders.
Being able to be humble when fixing his disadvantages, will allow him to be able to change for the better that benefits the whole team.
Being able to know when to let the followers have a leadership will allow more respect and earn more trust in you.
Law 13: The Law of Reproduction
Being a Good Role Model.
Great leaders are both highly visionary and highly practical. Their vision helps them see beyond the immediate. They can envision what’s coming and what must be done. Therefore, a leader is heavily scrutinized as followers know that their leader is good and wants to be alike.
If you want your followers to follow you, you must follow yourself. If you do not comply with your own rules and abuse your authority by giving yourself "special rules", you will be badmouthed by your followers and they will not follow what you tell them to. This will lead a cacophony among the group and morale will be ground-breakingly low.
Great leader are far-sighted and visionary. This allows the followers to understand the leader's good intentions and will follow as instructed.
A leader should teach and do what is right and convince their people that they should place their trust on him.
The leader should try fixing himself before improving others. If you do not understand the situation you are in, how are you to understand others' situation they are facing?
Law 14: The Law of Buy-In
Set the right tone first, before start on the piece.
The leader is the one that drafts the proposal, the plan and the process.
However, in order for the followers to be convinced by the project, they look who is in-charge and who is responsible.
The leader's role is simple, you must know how your followers judge you.
Your followers are looking how you convince them, how you express yourself, how well you present your idea and your body language.
If you are able to achieve a good mark on their 'grading sheet', you should be able to win their vote and get a bunch of motivated followers.
After people buy into your plan, now it is your job to become a better leader to accomplish your goal with the team.
Law 15: The Law of Victory
Leaders Find a Way for the Team to Win.
Leaders see Losing being unacceptable, Passion is unquenchable, Quitting being the last thing in mind, Commitment is unquestionable and alas, victory just around the corner.
A leader must be able to put a message across in an affirmed manner so that everyone has the same vision, same goal. The team then will work on the same page and allow unity in whatever they do for the goal and communication is easily obtained.
Every team has different team members with different unique abilities. A healthy diverse of skill allows more work to be done at the same time and have more time to rectify any error.
A leader needs the dedication to strive for victory before he expects everyone in the group to be dedicated as well.
A leader needs to pump the adrenaline and create the environment and motivation and push the team until the job is done.
Law 16: The Law of Momentum
Momentum is a necessity for leaders.
Momentum is key to victory. Having good momentum allows leaders to literally swing past obstacles with ease as they will solve issues on the spot. They already have the passion and the ignited fire in them that will last until they stop.
When you are on the roll, you will have the adrenaline and will be able to plan out efficiently and know what to do now and later. Your group will forget what mistakes you made in the past as with momentum, it creates a positive environment that benefits everyone. This makes leaders have a better outlook.
Momentum determines how well the followers work as how momentum affects the work environment really affects everyone in the group. Great momentum allows a fresh air in the room and everyone will be on task.
Momentum is created by the leader and is maintained by the leader. When the leader stops, everyone else stops and momentum also stops. Creating momentum requires a visionary person that can motivates others to work.
How long the momentum last is based by the passion the leader is able to maintain, the enthusiasm the leader have and the convincing vision the group have.
Law 17 & 18: The Law of Priorities and Sacrifice
Time management and sacrifice
Prioritizing is a skill and not just an action.
Leaders who are able to prioritize are ones that are analytical and far-sighted and are clear on what they are doing as they know what should be done soon or later.
A leader must understand the situation inch by inch before making a move and must know the whole course of action.
When prioritizing your schedule, look for the ones that is significant and gives more outcome then the ones that have lesser results. Sometimes, even sacrificing the easiest task that gives more results is necessary as you need to tackle the ones harder and gives small but significant results.
Things that will are related to the vision should be accomplished first as if delayed, its potential to bring results may lead to no results when accomplished as the situation changes and develops.
We should try to prioritize things that are easy for us to accomplish and gives us the most results and rewards as we will be able to receive more results faster and have more time for harder tasks.
Sacrificing is another skill a Leader must develop.
Sacrificing is also under prioritizing as you must prioritize what is important and what is less important.
We should try to prioritize things that are easy for us to accomplish and gives us the most results and rewards as we will be able to receive more results faster and have more time for harder tasks.
Leaders are people that will be the first to do anything, even if it is not their responsibility. Leaders are people that need to give up their time to accomplish tasks that will benefit the group and make progress into the road to victory.
Leader must learn how to give up their superiority to be humble and change for the sake of victory and the group. Leaders need to know that his followers are ahead of him and that they need to be kept well or else the sacrifice the leader made will be wasted.
Law 19: The Law of Timing
Intuition leads to good timing
As a leader, you must know when to take charge, when to release your grip slightly, and when to take a step back completely to analyse. Every time a leader makes a move, there are really only four outcomes:
Doing the wrong thing at the wrong time leads to catastrophe
Doing the right thing at the wrong time leads to a loss of respect from followers
Doing the wrong thing at the right time is a mistake and a whiffed opportunity
Doing the right thing at the right time is a signal to success.
Leaders need to be able to understand the whole situation completely and know which part of the plan they are in right now. Having the wrong perception of the situation leads to mistakes made on the spot and more mistakes are made as the team progresses.
A leader needs to be mature enough to control and manage his team, make wise decisions, and the preparations he/she makes even before the storm strike so that they will overcome issues easily and will progress efficiently as well.
Law 20: The Law of Explosive Growth
Growth in progress and Results.
Leading people and leaders allow one to maximize their true potential capacity and will see a speed up in progress and personal growth.
Leaders never just attract followers, that will just make leaders lose out on influencing on others they should have and the impact is generally weak.
Leaders should aim to attract and impress followers AND other LEADERS as when they impress other organisations or groups, more people will look up to the leader and the impact is huge, thus having a better reputation and influence on the outside world
Undergoing a fast growth will be beneficial for you as not only will you develop your leadership skills, you will be able to have progress faster and easily.
Law 21: The Law of Legacy
You must be clear on what kind of legacy you want to leave behind. It begins with how you start your journey. The legacy is then produced by what you have done in your entire life, the character you possess, the values you have instilled in your mind.
If you already have plans on what kind of legacy you want to leave, it is now the time to execute the plans, show what you are actually. You must go all-in on what you want to do.
You must believe in your legacy before others can as if you do not believe in yourself, you cannot believe in others and others will find it an uphill task to believe in you. Although you cannot really choose who will live on your legacy, but the ones close to you will be the ones to continue your legacy.
You must pass the responsibility to someone that you trust, you believe in so that they will feel motivated and your legacy will definitely be passed on regardless.
Learn Leadership Through Our Gamebook
event Planning
What do you want to achieve and why organize this event? What type of event are you organizing?
You want to host/organize an event with a purpose. Without a clear head of what you want to do, you will possibly face a lot of issues along the way.
Finding your goons
Logistics- 1 or 2 People in charge to find and secure the venue, things needed: Tables, chairs and others
Finance- The guy in charge of getting sponsors, account all expenses
Publicity team- Attract People to attend your event.
Time management
How much time is needed to execute the plan, to hire the people you need?
It is the best to start planning the event 4-6 months earlier as this would allow you to have a good and clear picture on what is going to happen on that day.
When choosing a date for the event, make sure it doesn't clash with any religious holidays or public holidays. Take note of dates where people need to pay respects to their religion.
Is there any guests coming in? If so, take note on when they are available and when they are not.
Branding matters
THE NAME! Make it unique! Think how is your event different from others with a similar goal.
Tagline. What message you want to convey? Your tagline is the first thing that captivate your target audience. Your tagline must be clear, short and memorable.
Evaluation
You should draft a master plan so that you know exactly who is in charge of what and what should be done in time.
Navigation
Now, which stage of the plan are you in. You must know where you are and where you should be heading to.
Failure to navigate will cause you to lose sight of what to do and poor decisions will be made.
Sponsorships
Establish a good relationship and a great impression on sponsors as they will most likely help you in your event.
This will help you increase participation and the sponsor might help you with venue and finance.
Publicizing is the root of all success
A publicizing plan is definitely needed. Are you going to go online, hard copy? How are you going to entice people to your event? Find and use the appropriate words and designs. The important thing is to entice people in.
Don't forget to thank whoever had helped in this event, your sponsors, mentors and even your team of people because they will help you again if you were to organize another event.
Budget
How much do you think you need? Reasonable and safe amount must be considered. Calculate how much is needed. Analyze your plan before making a reasonable judgement.
Reflections
Was the event a successful one?
If you accomplish all the goals and targets, your event was a success.
The process matters, what could you have done better and what should be improved.
e.g., Time management, prioritizing.
During the event, what problems did you face? How did you tackle the issues?
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Proposal Writing
Start off with a Clear Goal
What do you want to achieve in your project? Make projections, not start off with what you’re going to do. Without a proper goal, how are you going to know what should be done and what should not be done?
Your goals are the base of your success. You must know what you want to achieve so that all that you do will contribute to your success. A good projection will allow one to know what to input to achieve his success.
Adaptation
Your proposal must fit into the current situation, but you must never make up the situation. In order to understand the situation, survey people who are in the situation.
A good proposal is one that can point out the current situation that is accurate and related to the situation.
Accountability
A good plan must be executed by a good team of responsible people. Everyone given a task and everyone will be able to accomplish it will allow the continuity of the plan. Everything will be smooth-sailing.
Update yourself
Try to predict the changes in the situation. Visionary is important in your proposal so that your mentor, your boss will know what you intend to do and will provide advice and resources.
If the situation changes unexpectedly, you must adapt and start utilizing the resources you have and always update your mentor or boss so that they know what is going on and will try to guide you along.
Learn Leadership Through Our Gamebook
REFERENCES
- Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. New York: Simon and Schuster. Print.
- Dever, Joe, and Brian Williams. The Deathlord of Ixia. New York: Berkley, 1994. Print.
- Jackson, Steve. Fighting Fantasy. Harmondsworth: Penguin, 1984. Print.
- Maxwell, John C. The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork: Embrace Them and Empower Your Team. Nashville: T. Nelson, 2001. Print.
- Maxwell, John C. The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: Follow Them and People Will Follow You. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2007. Print.
- Smith, Mark, Jamie Thomson, and Bob Harvey. Assassin! Knight, 1985. Print.
- (07 Apr. 2013) Debates about Gamification and Game-Based Learning(#GBL) in Education. Retrieved 03 Apr. 2015 from http://classroom-aid.com/2013/04/07/debates-about-gamification-and-game-based-learninggbl-in-education.
- Keesee, Gayla S
(27 May 2011).
Educational Games. Retrieved 03 Apr. 2015 from http://teachinglearningresources.pbworks.com/
w/page/35130965/Educational%20Games. - Textbooks: Advantages and Disadvantages. Retrieved 03 Apr. 2015 from https://www.teachervision.com/curriculum-planning/new-teacher/48347.html.
CREDITS
We would like to thank our project mentor, Mr Lim Seow Yi, people and councilors who participated in our needs analysis and pilot test. We would also like to give special thanks to Mr Ng Jing Feng for his great help in the writing of the game book.
